Loss and Healing

If you were to visit Rwanda you would be impressed by the cleanliness, order, and safety in this country. It is, at times, hard to believe this is the same country devastated by genocide just 15 years ago.

However, it is not hard to remember during this week of mourning. Tuesday was the 15th Anniversary of the start of the horrific genocide. Beginning on April 6, 1994 more than 800,000 Tutsis and moderate Hutus were killed in 100 days by extremist Hutu militias. It is nearly impossible to comprehend the level of devestation this has on a community and family.

Ceremonies have been held across the country, including Tuesday morning at Nyanza (20 min. outside Kigali the capital). Nyanza is a hill where thousands of people were killed on April 11 after the Belgian UN troops that had been protecting them pulled out. Belgium decided to pull its troops after 10 UN soldiers were killed. Selecting this location for the President's speech is a statement about the failure of the international community.

President Kagame's speech was broadcast live on television. In his speech he talked of hope and healing, but also reiterated blame on the international community for not doing enough to stop the genocide. He reminded people of the cowardice, and of the UN leaving Rwanda before any shot was fired. Some other messages included that moving on and looking forward will give real meaning to the many sacrifices of Rwandans. Also there was acknowledgement of the importance to remember but also to forget in order to continue to live. In other words the challenge of finding a balance between the pull of the future and the weight of the past.

This is a picture of the President speaking on TV. (I didn't go to the Nyanza event that morning)
I walked to meet friends for the evening memorial at the Kigali stadium. On my way, I passed the Government of Rwanda Parliament building. This building, on a main road in Kigali, is a continuous reminder of war-times. Its pink and yellow-painted concrete is marked with bulletholes and gashes from artillery shells, and is intentially left in this state.

Here is a view of the stadium as I walked toward it.
Thousands of people attended the event at the stadium, although not many ex-pats. There were candles set up in the center of the stadium spelling out the words hope, espoire, and icyizere (itchy- zerr- eh) -"hope" in French and Kinyarwanda.

There were many singers and performers throughout the evening. They sang very beautiful songs including Amazing Grace and multiple songs I had never heard before. They also showed a few short films with messages of hope and reconciliation. Parts of one film made the crowd laugh because it was done in what I would consider a "cheesy PSA" style. People stayed late into the evening (the event went on for 5 hours!)


My friends Aska and Morgan attended the event with me.
Throughout the evening there were many people so overcome by emotion they had to be carried out by Red Cross volunteers. These people would suddenly cry out in the most painful, gutteral cries I have ever heard. It was in these moments that the suffering was very tangible and I felt a sharp uncomfortable reminder of how every Rwandan attending has their own story, their own family, their own dreams and losses. It was overwhelming, and I kept thinking of how thankful I am to not have endured suffering that makes you cry out in that way. It took many people to light the candles when it got dark. There was a call for volunteers through email in the days leading up to the event. It was all very well organized.
A helicopter flying above captured the image the candles portrayed.
This week in Rwanda is sad and grief is prevalent, but the messages of hope and healing 15 years later is uplifting. I feel helpless most of the time, but I try to take small steps whenever possible to connect with people and their grief. I wrote out 25 cards last night to personally give condolences to the Rwandans in my office...of course it feels not enough, but every bit helps.